A client of AzRA's back in the early 80's wrote this after a run of Lava Falls. Pretty fun!
Fifty Ways To lose In Lava
(to the tune of: Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover)
The problem is first to hit the slot, the Boatman said.
If you do not you're gonna ride it on your head,
Go left or right too far and you will soon be dead
There must be, fifty ways to lose in Lava.
Fifty ways to lose in Lava.
When viewed from shore it seemed we didn't have a chance,
This seemed much more than Crystal, Dubendorf, or Hance,
Three boatmen ran and yet another wet his pants
There must be, fifty ways to lose in Lava.
Fifty ways to lose in Lava.
(Chorus)
Just watch out for that wave, Dave,
Keep away from that hole, Joel,
Get it right in that Vee,_Lee.
C'mon listen to me.
Have it straight at the end, Ben,
Or you won't do it again, friend,
Keep it off Humpback Chub, bub,
To make it through in one piece.
The Boatman seemed at first like he was doing fine,
When all at once he screamed. "I’ve lost the bubble line!"
as you might well have guessed his ran was not benign
There must be, fifty ways to lose in Lava.
Fifty ways to lose in Lava:
(Chorus)
The Boatman turned and headed swiftly for the bank,
He pulled it right as hard as anyone could crank.
He made it through the top, the River Gods be thanked
There must be, Fifty ways to lose in Lava.
His nerve restored, he turned to face that bottom wave,
But lost an oar and so became the current’s slave,
I'm sorry to report the run could not be saved
There must be, fifty ways to lose in Lava.
Fifty ways to lose in Lava:
(Chorus)
Just watch out for that wave, Dave.
Keep away from that hole, Joel,
Get it right in that Vee, Lee.
C'mon listen to me.
You need the best of intentions.
And divine intervention,
And some luck, not to mention,
To make it through in one piece.
Lenny Saltz
c 1982
